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Why I love my ‘offensive’ Christmas jumpers

I’ve put inverted commas around the word, ‘offensive’, because it’s so subjective. People choose to be amused or offended by a couple of my Christmas jumpers, but the intent is not to harm. I just don’t love Christmas like other people do. So I do what it takes to get me through the season.

I don’t have the “Jingle Bellend” one with the arrow, I’ve resisted the “Jingle my Bells” and “Tits the Season” ones because I’m far too well endowed in the bust department. There are no references to body parts, sex, and no naughty words. 

But some people are offended by my beautiful Cath Kidston “Bah Humbug” jumper. I think it’s because it looks jolly and elf-like, and then the message is too Scrooge for their liking. I get it, I really do. If I’m excited by something and the people around me don’t share my excitement, it’s disappointing.

I love that jumper though. If the weather were right, I would wear it from the first mention of the c word (in August in our extended family) right through to Boxing Day. The only time I’d switch it out would be for my other, far less offensive, Christmas jumper. It’s the Home Alone on that says, “Merry Christmas ya filthy animal”. I’d pop that one on for Christmas Day I think.

While we’re on the subject of being offended at Christmas …

What’s the most offensive Christmas present you’ve ever received?

If someone has bothered to buy you a gift, it’s likely that they’re saying “you mean something to me”. Unless they’re so wealthy that they can afford to be passive aggressive in their gift giving, I suppose?

I don’t get offended by gifts. It just feels weird to me. But I’ve heard some cracking stories of people who’ve been offended by a gift. 

My favourite is the mechanic who bought his wife a carburetor because her car needed it. She was so offended, enraged actually, that she threw her sewing machine at him. The thing about this story is that so many people understood her rage. They felt that, after so many years of marriage, he should have known the kind of gift she’d value and appreciate. It’s fascinating how few people considered, after so many years of marriage, she might have known that he’d express his love for her by making sure she’s driving around in a safe and well maintained car.

People call me The Grinch a lot over Christmas. I love it. I’m in no way offended by it, or by the Grinch slippers or Grinch pyjamas I’ve been given. I love it because the Grinch quite famously captures the spirit of giving at Christmas after puzzling on it (til his puzzler was sore) … 

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more?” ~ How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Holding fast to my inner Grinch, I honestly cannot think of the most offensive Christmas gift I’ve ever received. It simply makes no sense to me.

Anyway, below are a few “offensive” and “grinchy” Christmas items that we think you might like.

Merry Christmas ya filthy animals. Enjoy!

Wild Bobby

Wild Bobby designs potentially offensive, yet, in my mind, definitely funny Christmas sweatshirts. These sweaters are sold at a variety of price points and there is a wide selection of styles and designs to choose from, and you can often find deals and discounts on them via Amazon.

Grinchy Christmas Gifts

What does it mean to be Grinchy? Well, according to the Urban Dictionary, Grinchy is “a person that seems mean and sour, and also looks ugly on the outside, but once you become a close friend will stick by your side until the day you die.”

Christmas Jumpers

Christmas jumpers – Designs brought to you by the creators of Twelve Feasts of Christmas as well as some unique, fantastic designs from our colleagues at PopGear. All of our Twelve Feasts products are made from organic cotton and printed in the UK in a renewable energy powered factory.

If you are looking for something specific then use these links to jup to the right section.

Men’s Knittwear |Men’s Christmas Hoodies |Kid’s Christmas Hoodies |

Men’s Christmas Knittwear

Sometimes a little ‘to me, from me’ pre Christmas gift doesn’t hurt – and these fantastic brand new designs are the kinds of purchases you’ll thank yourself for.

Men’s Christmas Hoodies

Kid’s Christmas hoodies

You asked, we did. Our “Get In My Tum” – Kids hoodie is back! This product is made with 100% organic cotton and printed in the UK in a renewable energy powered factory. Available from £24

Women’s Christmas sweatshirts

Love rad prints and organic cotton softness? Then this “Prepping for Christmas” hoody is perfect for you. And even better, this product is made from 100% organic cotton and printed in the UK in a renewable energy powered factory. Grab yourself one today before 3pm to get UK fast delivery. Available from £40

Our products are made in partnership with Teemill. Read below for more information about our products.

Organic Farming

Organic cotton is better for the producers and the ecosystem in which it is produced. Instead of more toxic pesticides and fertilisers, co planting and insect traps are used along with the special ingredient – cow poo. It encourages biodiversity and leads to the extra soft feel of our products.

Less inputs also means less water, but even organic cotton is still a thirsty crop. So where you grow it matters. The fields that grow the organic cotton for our products are in the North of India, where the monsoons fill reservoirs that supply almost all the water needed.

• Rain water, co planting, insect traps and cow poo
• GOTS certified organic

Processing

Organic cotton looks like a little bit of cotton wool bursting from a dry flower. The petals and seeds need to be removed before it can be spun. Harvested organic cotton is taken to ginning plants by camel or by truck. From there the raw material is separated out into the useful fibres which are sent to be spun. The waste seeds are pressed into cakes which is sold for organic cow feed. Vegetable oil is squeezed out last for use in food products. Every part of the plant is used.

Cotton farmers get a price for their cotton which is guaranteed by the regional government. Great quality batches get higher prices as ginners compete for the best stuff.

• Energy in
• Cow food out

Water clean enough to drink

Wastewater from dyehouse effluent is a major source of pollution in the clothing industry. Where Teemill products are dyed, the water is recovered, cleaned and recirculated. After settling and skimming the water is filtered using reverse osmosis and distillation. This is basically sucking up water through really fine sand over and over, then boiling it.

Salt is added back in so that the dye adheres and all the cruddy mulchy stuff left over is dried out and used for road markings. About 95% of the water is recirculated and recovered.

At the end, the water coming out of the filters and going back round to be reused again is crystal clear, literally clean enough to drink. Once it has been cleaned it is then used at the input for the next batch. It is a closed loop system.

• Recirculated water
• Clean, filtered and reused
• Wastewater is drinkable

Making Products

Our products are made in a factory where the spinning, dye, weaving, cut and sew are integrated. Vertical integration leads to cost savings which can be reinvested in the facilities. This means that the environment is clean, light, modern and positive, like the Teemill factory in the UK.

Our reputation for consistent quality is a large part down to 21st century manufacturing principles at this stage and the fact that people and product don’t travel along a complex supply chain.

That also makes it easier to ensure compliance, and this factory is audited for a wide range of social and sustainability criteria. The plant is powered by renewable energy.

• SA8000 Certified (Social Accountability audit)
• GOTS certified
• Renewable Energy power

Renewable Energy

Throughout our supply chain renewable energy is used. In the UK Teemill own a solar farm and power manufacturing operations with renewables. In India, the factory owns two wind farms and a 150kw PV array. Renewable energy is affordable, reliable and something we are committed to using.

Within the factory machine-to-machine communications technology allows Teemill to dynamically turn equipment on and off only when it is needed, balancing our manufacturing demand with on site generation.

Real-time printing

We develop technology at their factory to improve all aspects of t-shirt printing. This includes working on lower impact inks, software, machinery and automation technologies. It enables us to make products in real time. At the factory, products are only made after they have been ordered – there is no waste.

The efficiency and productivity gains from tech balances the cost of more sustainable materials. Tech is how all this is made affordable.

• High-tech, low waste
• Certified GOTS organic
• Open access technology

Packaging

By 2050 there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish. This is bad. Instead of plastic packaging, we use a rip and splash-proof mailer bag made out of paper. Big orders come in cardboard boxes, with paper-based tape.

• Funky paper wrapping
• Recycled material stickers
• Plastic free packaging

Our Circular Economy

Every year 100 billion new items of clothing are produced while a truck full of clothing is burned, or buried in a landfill every second. Slowing fast fashion down a bit won’t fix it. But when we take the waste material at the end, and make new products from it at the start, it changes everything. That’s what we’ve done.

Our products and packaging produced by Teemill are made from natural materials, not plastics. Every product is designed to be sent back to Teemill when it is worn out.

Teemill makes new products from the material they recover, and the cycle itself is renewable. Our products can be returned and remade again and again and again.

A pure material makes remanufacturing possible, and means products that are softer, and harmless to the environment.

• Products designed to be remade again
• No plastic, just organic cotton
• We remake new products from material